brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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