You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
