Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
