Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
