I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
