I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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