Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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