Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
