Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
