are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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