I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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