New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
