If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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