do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
