I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
