You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
