No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
