It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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