Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just want to make out with him forever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
