I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
