sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
