Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
