Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
