I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
