craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
