as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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