Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
