I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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