im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
