Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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