There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
