whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
