I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
