forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
