Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
last night I used snow as a chaser
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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