Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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