great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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