Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
