Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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