I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
