i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
