I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
