names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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