They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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