well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
