I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
