I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
