the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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