Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
