Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like eating out sand paper
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize