I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
