I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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