Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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