i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
