I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
