You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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