weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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