I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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