Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
