After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
