HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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