It's Friday. Sex?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
