hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
