Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
