I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
