She is in my trunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
