he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
