the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
