last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
