dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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