you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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