I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
