I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
