she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
