it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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