So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
