He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
