that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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