i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
