I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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