Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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