Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
