Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
