So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
