I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
