How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize