i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
