we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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