No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
