You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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