she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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