Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
