So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
