Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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