just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
