I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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