Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
